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Aura · Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2001 12:53 pm

I'm lookin for a warm welcome and some ideas to help me continue on my quest of expressing myself.

[ November 02, 2001: Message edited by: Aura ]

Aura · Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2001 1:04 pm

Torn
between truth and lies
love and lust
life and death
freedom and freewill
prosperity and demise
Bewilderment
deranged insinuations
desire to be
derision of sin
dispersment infringed
can one comprehend
the feeling inside
of a poet to be
lost without love
to be a loving soul
comprised of none
whos will is done
if the sunrise not inhibit
the nievity of those surpassed
the quiet girl who lives within herself
tormented by lifes dealings
passed by love
encompassed by saddness
provoked by madness
enveloped in the wind
lies her passion, her dreams, her abilities,her love
her love not for life
but the one life has given her
her fear of losing
the one who makes her heart skip a beat
the one who gives life its meaning
her fear of belieing the lies
that leaves her torn
torn between life and death
Is demise a choice?
Is this free will?
Who will live, will I live without his love?
For more of my work go to www.poetry.com put in Fedorka Stephanie. Feel free to post your poetry too here especially.

tyron · Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2001 6:13 pm

hey, i really like that one!
i usually don't like poetry but i find this inspiring.
would suit as lyrics for a song perhaps.
keep it up.

GatoNegro13 · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2001 12:54 am

I luv U!

[ October 31, 2001: Message edited by: GatoNegro13 ]

Aura · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2001 10:31 am

who would i be if it weren't for you
and if the sky were to fall
who would I run to...a world seemingly coveted me
entrapped me in its wings
holding me dear so surreal
but in harms way I lie, scorned, unadorned, bare, sheer nakedness to its torment
words are of no consolation
only memorization
tear drops fall no more
for the heart has bled dry... no star falls before my eyes
the fog does not rise
the wind can not surpass
the love that is cast
who wears the mask if I forfiet this task?

[ November 06, 2001: Message edited by: Aura ]

Steven Stahlberg · Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2001 1:35 pm

Welcome.
Some ideas? Well, you could join a poetry forum, probably get better feedback there. Personally I know next to nothing about poetry, it just isn't my thing. I don't even know if there are forums for poetry out there, just guessing.
Another thing, if writing is going to be your life's work, please check what you publish very carefully for spelling and grammar, or at least run a spell checker.

I don't want to seem anal, but from what I understand professional writers *do* get real anal about this stuff, just wanted to warn you, I counted around 12 errors up there.

When it comes to the actual content I can't say much, I stink as a writer myself (yes I've tried, quite a lot too). On the surface it gives me the feeling of a very young but smart girl, perhaps a teenager, leading an ordinary life, who at the moment happens to be lovesick and depressed... But again, I suck at poetry.

Aura · Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2001 10:37 am

hey Steve thanx for the input, but yeah you were kinda anal. that's okay I'm just kinda partial to my own work and I would like people to look into my world as opposed to critcizing it. Well I'd like more input from anyone who cares.

Steven Stahlberg · Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2001 1:00 pm

You ask for specifics, and I should waste half an hour of my time to point out every single (about 13 I noticed now) mistake, and correct it for you? Isn't it better that you learn to spell? We won't always be there to proof read your poems for you, you know.
Don't you have a spellchecker? Try MS Word, there's one in there.

I'm trying to help you, but I got little thanks for it, sorry if I sound a bit annoyed now, only natural, I'll get over it. But I think you can stop with putting the angry faces in your replies and try to be more grateful for sincere help.

Aura · Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2001 1:03 pm

okay I don't mean praise I'm far from conceited. No one seems to understand the meaning of words. They are very powerful and if you've noticed I have virtually no grammer in my poems and that is my choice and duh writers are allowed to do that. Thanks but I was asking for a warm welcome if you don't know anything about poetry then don't comment. Hell I don't comment about the art stuff I don't know. Remember I'm not looking for shallow people. Where'd all the depth go?

Aura · Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2001 1:05 pm

I am grateful and I did take the angry faces out and not for you. I'm a sweet girl who expresses her emotions for poetry which you have no understanding of. If you're are't willing to help then don't say anything.

Aura · Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2001 1:09 pm

hey everybody before I leave I'm gonna be the bigger better person and say I'm sorry. Well at least I got it out of my system, but hey don't be so hard on a girls heart that is my heart after all. Its all in the words its me. SORRY i hope you guys are too.

GatoNegro13 · Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2001 1:14 pm

Damn Steven, 13 mistakes? I only saw one. you must REALLY be ANAL!! LOL...just kidding.. dont get mad.

Steven Stahlberg · Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2001 2:44 pm

Hehe, yeah I guess... 1 in the title of the thread, 8 or 9 (depending how you look at it) in the first one, used to be 3 in the second one but now only 2, I think she's edited it.

And ok - I apologize too.

dr . bang · Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2001 12:26 am

The advice Mr .Steven gave to you is a very good one. I believe is extremely ok to be anal about spellings in a poem. Having spelling mistakes could mean alot of negative things, especially in a poem like this. To me, it kinda ruin the effect the poem is trying to create.

Also, here are some useful poetry forum you can go to.
http://pub78.ezboard.com/febonykeepfrm4 - Art, Music And Poetry
http://www.google.com/search?q=poetry+forum

- Around 561000 more links, thanks to Google!

Aura · Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2001 12:52 am

i don't care about the spelling in the damn poem unless you are gonna point them out specifically so that I can correct them because obviously I don't know what they are! Obviously you can't respect the feeling of someone who looks beyond the fine lines that envelop the world around us. All I'm asking is for a little respect and HELP not in the form of criticism. Tell me how to spell the damn words that must be what's causing you to be so anal. I'm not a bitch I just am seeking for understanding not shallow people.

Steven Stahlberg · Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2001 12:54 am

So when you say "input" you mean "praise", just want to get that straight, so no one else makes the same mistake I did and try to give some *useful* advice, or god forbid say anything negative.

(I was being diplomatic - I didn't consider my advice in the LEAST bit anal. Just common frigging sense.)

Aura · Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2001 9:29 am

hey peoples no more comments, input? Ok but you're breaking my heart. Just kidding. here's another.

my heart bleeds with sorrow
condemned in morrow
hidden in the corridors
lie whispers from my pillow
tears seeping from its core
I want no more
only to soar
to spread my wings and fly
be enveloped in the wind
no more sin
all thats forbidden
can be hidden
here lies the venom
of the parasite that has sucked all the life
from my heart
I am left wilted
distraught, without thought
now I drown in my tears.

Dryfire · Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2001 8:42 am

Bad Religion = Great Band

travis travis · Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2001 9:27 pm

like the first poem. reminds me of my schzoid-hyper conflicted self tonight.

I'm tired and about to go to sleep, but don't feel like you're off to a bad start around here, relax a bit though, connecting with people on messageboards can be tough, and usually tougher the more introspective you wanna get. etc...

Aura · Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2001 9:48 am

hey Dryfire. Excuse me I think I'm missin somethin. Did you post in the wrong forum or is your reply just food for thought? If it is I'm

Thanx I guess.

christian cox · Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2001 10:16 am

Well Aura, I don't think you're going to get a lot of comments back after the backlash with Steve. I know you did the right thing and apologized to him. Now I don't want to get anyone mad or anything, but I am sure you will get more comments back if you learn to not take criticism personally. I used to get a bit ticked off when someone would trash one of my images, but I soon got over it and learned to improve off of their insights. Just a little tip, if you feel it was inappropriate of me, I'm sorry.

[ November 13, 2001: Message edited by: christian cox ]

Aura · Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2001 1:08 pm

Thanx Chris but appartantly you don't understand either. Actually I think maybe you do because you've been there but I hoping for brighter news than you prediction of those who will be visiting my forum. Well thanx. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks I did the right thing.