Sijun Forums :: View topic - Comic Book p.2 (Revised)

CapnPyro · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2001 1:12 am

After I posted the original version of this page up I got a bunch of critiques from artists so I went ahead and redrew the whole page.

Large Version

Any comments or critques on this one are welcome

-Cap

[Edit: Fixed link]

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www.noeraser.com

[This message has been edited by CapnPyro (edited March 19, 2001).]

BakaSan · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2001 1:47 am

It looks like the same one to me.

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BakaSan
Duncan Land

CapnPyro · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2001 1:55 am

My mistake, it's fixed now.

The link should lead here for the original- http://homepage.mac.com/capnpyro/pictures/seq/persian2.jpg

Seagull · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2001 2:18 am

Well, The flow of the story is better. The origianl version was not clear at first sight which panel lead to which. I really liked the diagonal lines in the first version, i think you could have use them here too, and add motion to the structure.

I like the feeling of space in your design, you better not fill it with many text bubbles.
The part where she's whispering to his ear is a bit strange anatomiclly.
How are you gonna color the background??

--sea

CapnPyro · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2001 2:21 pm

Thanks for having a look, if i color it i'd like to have lush colors, greens and oranges and reds with blue light coming from out side. Thanks for having a look

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www.noeraser.com

Visionary · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2001 2:53 pm

Every time I see this I just start laughing. I wish I could witness something like that take place.

You have some good stuff going

-Visionary

Radiater · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2001 8:01 pm

Hey CapnPyro,

Cool illustrations - I especially like the cleavage, lips, eye and ear sequence.

However, I still have trouble with how much you have her butt sticking out. It looks beyond charicature and too much like she has spondylolisthesis (a condition where your spine slips off your pelvis).

Would I let her in?? Depends what she says....

Radiater.

shahar2k · Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2001 10:33 pm

you should look at the game "No one lives forever" they have the whole first part of the game set in Morocco perhaps you could pull your pallete from there, it's very very beutifully rendered

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Maybe I'm paranoid... maybe it's you!