[BooMSticK]

Hi
This is a new cover I'm painting. Im pretty much confused on how I'm doing - feels like I've been staring at this train forever...
I would very much like to get critique/comments on this if you have any. The figure is a girl (ca. 10years old) but she is not pretty much left as a sketch. I still need to paint her in.
Plz. don't hesitate to say what is on your mind... thanks!
,Boom

oh, a little background info: The story is about some imigrants in America trying to make the train stop in their little new village. The train equals survival for their town and the girl leads a pack of children full of ideas on how to make the train stop. This scene is a composition of two episodes taking place in the story...

[Frost]

Hey boomer.
I would have put the camera closer to the ground level, to get a) a closer view/perspective of the girl so you can leter on tell that it is a littel girl, and b) show the big train in perspective and in contrast to the girl. Head on shots like that are a little dull imho. Or maybe just a closer shot on the girl, abdomen and up in front of the train... something a little bigger and clearer. Sorry for suggesting a re-design at this stage my friend... I don't know what else to suggest besides that. The current image doesn't work for me, sorry.

[Awetopsy]

Hey boomstick... I was just thinking to myself "I havent seen BommStick post here in a while..."

anyays, with this pic, Im not sure whats going on here.. the figure in front seems very disjointed and not a part of the image... Im not sure how I can help.. soIll shut up and let the pros help ya.. good to see you posting again.

[BooMSticK]

I can fully understand Frost, no need for apologies. I have to deliver the final painting by monday so drastic changes like you suggest isn't really possible... :/ I gave the editor 4 different sketches and this was the composition she liked best... I think your suggestions are good, and I even had small conceptsketches of what you suggest... Thanks for being honest, Frosty m8!

Edit: I noticed that you were talking solely on composition. Do you have anything else that bothers you in the picture? Anything thats unclear?

,Boom

[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: BooMSticK ]

[BooMSticK]

awetopsy - hiya Yes I have been awfully absent lately, havent I? I try to post a comment here and there, but I'm really too tied up with projects I can't really show. I do post all my coverwork here 'cause the feedback is invaluable.
The figure is not painted yet. That will follow tomorrow...
,Boom

[Frost]

Boom; Yeah, sorry, I wasn't too aware of your timeframe. I replied on the other forum,...
Cheers mate.

[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: Frost ]

[CyberArtist]

Darken the background more, and increase the contrast on the engine itself. Bring the girl a little further away from the front of the engine (like, have her feet halfway closer to the bottom of the image) Keep the snow darker except for in front of the train where the girl is. If you can get the girl to look like she has rim lighting around the upper portion of her body, that'd be great. A nice hard shadow going out behind her would look good too.

Some more mild glow around the hot areas of the train (sides, smoke stack). Same for the lights. Mild, as to not wash out the image or hide it, but enough so that if feels blinding.

Darken the shadow under the train. If you have time, thicken and heighten the train tracks (they look a little thin).

[Lomi]

Adding more shadows would probably help, as the only one I can see is under the train which in itself is not strong enough.

[Sukhoi]

Hi Boom!
I'll add to what cyber said: Make the primary lightsource on the train the glowing fumes from the smoke stack, and make the moonlight a little more subtle. So that instead of having the main cylinder of the trains body being illuminated with white, it would be lit with orange from the sparks and flames roaring out of the stack.

It would sort of add to the feeling of the train being the enemy and the problem to overcome, perhaps

Good work as usual.

Sukhoi

[[Shizo]]

I'll just say two words:

http://parovoz.com/pereslavl/expo/

[LuxoNick]

is it running over Dr. Doom?

[jerO]

It's really nice looking.

the only thing that concerns me is whether or not the train's moving or is stopped.

right now, i can't tell if there should be a sense of danger or anything. if it's speeding toward the figure, see if you can blur the edges of it maybe. If it's stopped, maybe adding steam coming out of the weheels on the sides, whisping across the track or something.
Good work though.

[Kari Christensen]

I agree with a lot of the comments. It's hard to tell what the character is doing. And he she's invisible with the mass of the train. I would do a different composition with a close up of the characters face and the train in the distance.

[BooMSticK]

Hi all

This is the 'final' version. The girl is painted in now. Abit more contrast overall. I tried to fix what you all pointed out... Yeah.. the keyword is 'tried'!

Thanx for the great help. One thing though, the train is not moveing very fast in this scene. Actually almost standing still!

The text is not final. Just my quick throwin' to have the composition give a little more sense. Truth to tell, this has been one of the most painfull paintings I have ever done! So many things working against it. Well, well - you can't win them all, now can you?

,Boom


edit : spelling check

[ January 13, 2002: Message edited by: BooMSticK ]

[Vesuvius]

I was gonna post this reply on lumental, but then I realized I'm not allowed to.- seems that if her arm is stretched forward her feet shouldn't be so close to (and around) the train front, as that would make her arm going into the train. if the train fron does bend back far enough for that not to be the case, then the depth is not emphasized enough for my taste.