[Frost]

Seems I might be dealing with this issue very shortly as my father has been diagnosed with a cancer, affecting his lungs, stomach, liver, and other organs. I simply wanted to know who has dealt with this and how they approached the situation... being somewhat of a fatalist, I expect everyone to die, and surely this day was coming, ... still it saddens me, also for my mother who will live the loss of her life-long companion who has supported and been there for her for so long.

Thoughts and stories welcome...

[This message has been edited by Frost (edited March 07, 2001).]

[[Shizo]]

Not something i would write on an internet message board. How's that for a story..
Im sure this post will grow though because most people here arent like myself.

[Frost]

That's quite fine vodka man. I just thought I would get some input on how people have dealt and gone through those situations... nothing more.

[Visionary]

Shizo - I�d tell you to blow it out your ass but my dicks in the way

Frost � You know I experienced a death semi similar. My Uncle. I was the only person in his world (besides his one close buddy) that he could relate too. The guy was a bit of a loner. (I�m not a loner but I would consider myself a people person and easy to get along with) He and I however were really close. I learned a great deal from him. That man was a walking mass of information.
When he died, it felt like loosing a best friend. Massive second heart attack got him. For me, the most comforting feeling was knowing that his life had become better and clearer for him in his last 5 years than any other. That made me happy, to know that I had something to do with it. He died about three years ago too and I still keep his household treasures around in memory of him.
What I�m saying is, your dad sounds like his life was obviously successful especially if he has someone like you who cares a great deal for him. Find peace in that and be there for him till he carries on.

-Visionary

[nova]

I can't say i experienced the same thing, but something similar.

All my family (except for me immediate family here in Washington and a few 3rd cousins in California) live in Argentina. A few months ago my gradmom on my mom's side passed away. I never knew her more than my few trips down there, last time i saw her was when i was 12. I felt especially helpless becuase of just that. The was the most awesome lady, and had SO many stories to tell, about how she colonized in Argentina and began her life, that i never heard. It's so bad. I never felt extreme grief like my mom did, only a feeling of emptiness that i never got to see something, i never got to experience something, and will never be able to again.

*sigh*

That's depressing.. just listening to myself.

I can't do much on this here board in terms of helping people out, but I wish you well in everything

-Nova

[This message has been edited by Nova (edited March 07, 2001).]

[Giant Hamster]

my dad had cancer, they were able to cut it out tho. now he's miserable, slow, and riding harleys...weird.

there really wasnt much to deal with i guess.

ill go now

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-JameZ the Giant Hamster-

The Hamster Alliance
AIM: Gianthmstr
Multimedia Producer/designer/all of the above.,overall guru :)...and music music music! weee!!

[Typo Dave]

Frost - my mum died in a fairly horrible fashion from cancer on 6 July 1994. This isn't the place to talk about it. E-mail me if you want to chat about it. Alternatively there are lots of cancer support groups out there.

[Ivey]

I just found out two days ago that my uncle has a brain tumor. My grandfather also died of cancer.. its not a nice way to go at all... to prolonged.

I won't say I am here for you.. I am not the greatest person to talk to.. but I do feel your pain.

[Painted Melody]

Frost, I know how you feel. Although four years have passed in my situation, I am still not completely over it -- losing someone, like your father or someone close to you, is very hard to recover from. They say time heals. It doesn't. You have to allow yourself to heal.

You need all the support you and your family can get. I know it sounds pretty obvious, but you'd be surprised how different people re-act to death. My mother, for example, turned into a work-a-holic. This doesn't help her any, she is miserable and in denial.

Fortunately in your case, you're an artist, and a great one too. I'd also recommend a journal, and therapist. See someone that works with the mind -- a physcologist.

But above all, the most important thing is to be EASY on yourself. Allow yourself to feel -- I think the most important thing is to be able to feel pain, and let it go. Bit by bit. Take small steps, Frost.

take care

~PM



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D u s t T r a c k s

[RobT]

My father passed away in 1995 from a heart attack when he was 49.
Me and my family never got over it but we have learned to come to terms with it and accept it.
It definitely changed our lives.
Certain events in my life have made me wish he was still alive.
My daughter was born last summer and I know my father would have loved to have been a grandfather.
My mother was happy that she was now a grandmother but sad that she would not be able to share that with my father.
The mourning may come to pass but the memories always remain and memories don't die.
Be strong.

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RobT

www.gameart.com/mindstorm
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

[andskj]

My
problems seem so smal now. I'm realy sorry for your loss, and I will keep in mind that there is people having it much more difficult than me.

Take care!

[travis travis]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Frost:
Seems I might be dealing with this issue very shortly as my father has been diagnosed with a cancer, affecting his lungs, stomach, liver, and other organs. I simply wanted to know who has dealt with this and how they approached the situation... being somewhat of a fatalist, I expect everyone to die, and surely this day was coming, ... still it saddens me, also for my mother who will live the loss of her life-long companion who has supported and been there for her for so long.

Thoughts and stories welcome...

[This message has been edited by Frost (edited March 07, 2001).]

---

Well nothing's certain, and I know a subject can't get much more sensitive then this, but I say if you want to have some fun with the guy, do it. Like Nova started talking about, what matters in the long run is the fun you give yourself a chance to have with that person - not the temporary horror of death.

We are afraid that death is loss, and total removal of a being, and all sorts of the most cruel descriptions we can think of to bring ourselves to tears -- but I encourage you to read up on the spiritual experiences of objective-minded, non-religous people. If you want to close up in your mind and just believe one thing go ahead, but almost every person I've ever met in life has had some spiritual *experiences*, regardless of belief. There is certainly an underlying structure in the universe that goes far beyond matter. And myself, well, there's ways you can feel this stuff everyday. I'm not trying to push you towards anything, other then be an open explorer of life rather then let an unexplored fear and confusion take you over. www.spiritweb.com is an interesting site covering many beliefs and explorations. There's a TON of material I probably wouldn't agree with right out on that site, but I'm just saying, get your mind moving

And if you don't want to hear or talk about any of that bull, don't blame you, but if you need to dump some emotion somewhere you can do it on me, like I said I'm an explorer, I'm willing to deal with all aspects, willing to listen

[tayete]

Frost: My father had two years ago a stomach cancer. It was cut out, and now he keeps living his own life in perfect conditions (he's 75).
He goes nearly every night out with my mother to have dinner at restaurants, drinks good wine (and sometimes *many sometimes*, he drinks a pair of scotchs too, he's always loved it), and meets his friends until late in the night.
So, don't get too desperate. "Cancer" is a word that causes panic, but nowadays most people deal with it, and after an operation they keep living perfectly.
So, as the Romans said "Sursum Corda!" (wich means "Raise your hearts!", or "Don't desperate").

[PandaX52]

I'm not really much of a smooth talker, but I wish you and your family the best Frost...

It's cool that the people here are so supportive too...

ta'ta'

[Ragnarok]

Tayete, they have detected they cancer too late, it is already in more than one organ.

My grandfather died from a lungs cancer, my father had cance in the "part-where-urine-is-almacenated-before-going-out" (insert correct word here, please) but luckily he had it cut out, my uncle had medulal spine cancer and after a transplant surived. But they could have died.

My personal advice would be to try to make him have a great time until he dies (or not). Right now the most important person is him, although in that situation one tends to be selfish and think only in his suffering because of the lose.
We took care of our grandfather until he died in our house, in fact he stayed in my bedroom and I was with my brother in his other bedroom. He couldn't be transplanted because of age. And he had a good time until he died. Now I feel sorrow, but at the same time I think he didn't died alone and suffering.

Damn, this got too long... I hope this can be helpful. Also, you have art, a great way of expressing yourself. Use it as a escape for the sad feelings.

Gabriel

[[Shizo]]

Wow.. but i expected this.
Frost's dad would die of heart attack if he saw this. Have some respect, the man is still alive!

[RobT]

quote:

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Originally posted by [Shizo]:
Wow.. but i expected this.
Frost's dad would die of heart attack if he saw this. Have some respect, the man is still alive!

---

He said to share comments and/or stories


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RobT

www.gameart.com/mindstorm
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.