[Beowulfthefallen]

I've been going through a depressing time, and have been writing some poetry. I hope that you can all have an open mind and accept someone's thoughts to be as much works of art as anything else on the board. Critiques welcome!

Written today:
Here I stand, alone again,
at the doorstep of a new breed of sin.
I hold the gun against my temple,
to kill myself would be so simple.
Nothing more to live for,
Only my life to die for.

Written awhile ago:
Are these my tears rolling down my face?
Their bittersweetness that I taste?
Tears of joy, or tears of sorrow,
I wonder what they'll be tomorrow.

[ June 23, 2002: Message edited by: Beowulfthefallen ]

[Molako_Plus]

WomaN!...
You Stole my cat
and my hearT!!
Whoa-man!

[Cleoric]

Well, I don't really like the first one. But I LOVE the second one. I'm gonna save that if it's alright with you

And a poem for you

Zesty Taco corn chips
Floating in a mist of purple elephants.
I hang a rope off of my elbow

[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: Cleoric ]

[bellie]

hehe i dunno about anyone else but i appreciate poetry its realli cool`` ive made quite a lot myself but its more rap hehe i cant get my hadns on em at the moment though..
my thought is.. maybe you should base a picture on your poem and show us`` as well as anybody else?

[Little Beefucker]

I find the biggest handicap in poetry is that it only fits a certain mood -- at least, where the general public is concerned. You can get away with quoting stuff from 400 years ago, but to say something new, in a movie or in a novel or elsewhere, often seems more pretentious than profound.

That said, I really love specific lines. Lines are quotable in any context, even when they're clearly pretentious.

I'm blabbing in general. No disrespect to your words. I quite like what you've done -- especially this bit: "to kill myself would be so simple." Would be awesome with a long B&W photo session of self portraits. Total misery. Good stuff, inspiring. ^_^

Depression is the best mood for art.

And here's my contribution, I wrote this a few years back on the inside of some notebook: No one is / more miserable / than the man / who says / he isn't.

[eyewoo]

Here's one of mine...

Alley hater snappy whack
baski bye el bathy bub.

[Sumaleth]

(Moved to Random Musings)

[Rat]

Beowulf, Very nice...

I particularly like the first one.

Hrm. In the last line, Only my life to die for., when you say "my life", it sort of breaks the rhythm with "my", so I would suggest taking it out to make the poem flow more smoothly.

[Beowulfthefallen]

Rat- I noticed that too, but it sounded wierd without the my.

[HawkOne]

Eyewoo wins hands down so far ...
People who get poetic about suicide should probably just go ahead ...

Let me just make up another masterpiece on the fly, a rather raunchy one, since they are always the best.

I got tit in my mouth
and ass in my hand
We'll see how much longer
I can make my last stand ...

[Coaster]

and I agreed!
Poetry is good but I don't recommend writing serious things in limerick form.

(hearing on the news)
There once was a highjaker al quada..

[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: Coaster ]

[Rat]

I just remembered this one that I wrote a long time ago:

With brutal stroke
across my knees,
goes the prospect
of clean jeans.

Ere stroke befell,
jeans could be found
clean on me,
without a sound.


I know, it's kinda stupid, but what do you expect from accidentally making a pen line on your jeans mixed with before-school boredom?

[Coaster]

hehe havn't heard that one..
I want to know how to communicate my thoughts linguistically!! screw you all who can!!

[Tiger Eaten]

I bite through my lip.
I am so silly.
Laugh, laugh, Laugh.
Blood is Everywhere.

[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: Tiger Eaten ]

[Nilwort]

I'm dissapointed, judging by the title, I thought this thread was going to be full of people talking about how their lives suck, is meaningless, and/or is devoid of love, ect. ect. ect. And now I see POEMS?!*sigh*

[Coaster]

Well, nilwort..
for some people this is a depressing thread..
the people who CAN'T congugate simple sentances that is.

Let us try to reach into my pulsingly squishy inerds

On his bike Johny did try,
to ride off a ramp and fly,
but sadly he failed,
and got impaled,
on the picket fence nearby.

The rythm sucks but the hearts in the right place.

[Coaster]

The second one is good, but it kind of sounds like the end of a longer poem... idunnomecrazy

The first one would sound better without the my, imo.

[Rat]

You realize, Coaster, that that's what I said.

[Vesuvius]

I like to dance
I like to sing
I wear gold jewlery
I go bling bling

[[666]Flat]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rat:

With brutal stroke
across my knees,
goes the prospect
of clean jeans.

---

Shakespear would wack off to this. I salute to your skills.